I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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