As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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