What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
