I need to stop coming to work sober
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
