I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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