Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
