My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
