and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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