no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
