I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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