before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
