I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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