Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
