Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
