What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
