My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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