So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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