I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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