I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
