I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
