I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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