I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
ttyl tear gas
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
