matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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