oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize