is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
