It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he was CRYING into my vagina
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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