I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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