the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
