Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she peed on how many people?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
