the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
