i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
