I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
