Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
