I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
