it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
