woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
