It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
