Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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