fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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