I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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