just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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