wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
