he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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