I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
