I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
