oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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