the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
