I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Small penises have feelings too.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
