You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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