god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Where did you get a picture of my penis
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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