Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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