I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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