how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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