he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
