some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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