the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
