every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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