if i can run in heels then i can drive
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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