Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
