Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
