Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
