cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
