Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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