the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
