I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
