if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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