I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
