pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
being pregnant is like rehab
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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