i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
