we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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