I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
