I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
