She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
