Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
