there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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