guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
