New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
