i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Farmville is her only friend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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